As I sit here this New Year’s Eve morning with the coffee brewing and everyone still asleep, I am pondering what it is that every mother wants for her child. From the moment we find out that there is life brewing in our bodies, we can’t help but think about the awesomeness of God and how in the world that really happens. Life truly is a miracle! Then, we have our baby and we behold the most beautiful creation in the world and think, “I want to protect, nurture, and keep my baby from all harm”. We can turn into master control freaks!!! Ha Ha!
I remember reading books after my firstborn son, Joseph, entered the world, and trying to do everything right. I would wake up in the middle of the night to make sure that he was still breathing. I was concerned about dropping him on the hard floor and was really stressing out! Then one day, I caught the revelation that this little “miracle” was not mine – that I didn’t own him and that God could take better care of him than I could. I surrendered Joseph at just a few months old to God. I said, “Lord, give Jon and I the wisdom to train and care for him, but I can’t watch over him 100% of the time, but You can. I don’t own this precious child.” Immediately, I felt a freedom! Joseph was God’s and we were just stewards over him and were able to partake in the joy of being parents. Whew, what a relief! It’s on God, not just me! Yeah, I have my part to play, but God watched over Joseph even while I slept! Remembering this transition of Joseph to God has helped me tremendously during this ferocious battle for his life.
I know that every mother wants the best for her child. She wants him or her to be healthy, happy, secure, successful, and blessed in every way! She wants to watch him or her grow up and be who they were meant to be and sometimes, she wants to control EVERYTHING! 🙂 We just want what’s best… right?
I wanted Joseph to be healed on this earth. I wanted God to be glorified by His healing power in Joseph’s life. I wanted to be his mother and watch him change the world. This is what’s best…right? I eventually had to accept that what was best for Joseph was for him to be completely healed, no more pokes, sedations, back packs of expensive IV peptides, shoving organic greens down his throat in my attempts to help God out! Freedom came again when I eventually let go of control and did what was best for Joseph…let him be in eternal bliss and be completely whole in the arms of Jesus! It’s the hardest thing that I have ever had to do! It was hard and it still hurts, but it was what was best for my child and I trust God that He is taking care of him, around the clock! I have the excitement and hope of being with Jesus and Joseph again – forever in eternity! This is TRULY what every mother wants and prays for her child!