We judge others through the lens of our strengths

I’ve been thinking lately about all of the different interests and passions that people have, particularly amongst moms.  Whether your a homeschool mom, working mom, or soccer mom we all find ourselves drawn towards a particular niche of “mommyhood.”  We all have different personalities, passions, and lures that make us tick.

How many pinterest moms do we have reading?  (Confession: I am not a pinterest mom, nor am I cutesy or crafty, but that’s OK!)

What I have observed via conversations, facebook, etc. is that most mom’s have an opinion or preference about how they are living their life.  Some moms have more of an opinion or preference. To take it even further, some mom’s share their opinion or preference as absolute truth and everyone should conform to their opinion, preference, or absolute truth (whether it be or not).  As a result of this strong view women start cat-fighting to defend themselves or their children. (Because you know, nobody better mess with a mama’s child.)

Insecurity, pride, and hurt rise to the surface because a mom can just feel judged.  The sad truth is that sometimes there is judgement towards others because we are passionate, strong, and naturally good in some areas.

What I have observed is that we tend to judge others who are weak in an area because we are strong.

For example, the mom who is naturally highly self-motivated operates in a discipline that is intimidating to others.  She gets up at 5:00 am, has prayer time, exercises, does three loads of laundry and makes breakfast before the kids awake. She has a routine and sticks to it no matter what. Her energy is boundless. This type-A person is vulnerable to judging others who do not live their lives the way that she does.  Actually, pride could be attached to it.  She thinks that she is somehow better than her “lazy” girlfriend who rolls out of bed and flies into the carpool line.  Discipline is good and we all need it, but can this person fall prey to pridefully judging others who are weak in this area because they are strong ? Yes! This woman may be strong in this area due to personality or a natural inclination that comes easier to her.

Another example could be a mom who is struggling with her weight.  She tries and tries to lose weight with little avail. While another ectomorph-born mom who has never had a weight issue eats almost whatever she wants criticizes her. She says, “well, if she would just eat salad and run, she would drop some pounds.  The mom struggling with her weight may have some hormonal issues and dropping weight is far beyond easy.

A homeschool mom could judge (or secretly thinks she is doing a better job) with her kids because she is in her element at home.  She judges because she is afforded the opportunity to have an option that other moms may not have.

The list goes on and on…

I confess that I have secretly judged others out of my strengths.  I have judged from my own insecurity and/or pride.  When we judge others, it many times can be traced back to these two sinful downfalls.

My appeal to all of the moms, women, and sisters out there is to read the scriptures on grace and love towards others.

What would it look like if we didn’t get insecure when “all natural” mom shares her organic recipes that she made last week? What if we said, “Good for her!”  What if the “all natural” mom just lived her “all natural” life and didn’t judge people who can’t afford to eat this way.  Maybe the family is just trying to keep the lights on and go to work.  There is little time for recipe prowling and execution of healthy meals.

What if we did what Philippians 2:3 says to do?

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than himself.”

WARNING:  The following scriptures will hurt, but we all need to hear it.    Matthew 7

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. 

YIKES!!!!

Lets all focus on the plank in our own eye.  None of us are perfect and we all have weaknesses.  Let’s work on ourselves instead of criticizing each other.

Sisters, we need each other!  Let’s build one another up and be secure enough to let other women “do their thing!”

Sisters, “do your thing” without judging others!

I would love to hear your comments on this topic!

Love ya Sis,

Joy

7 thoughts on “We judge others through the lens of our strengths

  1. Joy, this is such good and biblical advice. We’re all in this together yet often in different seasons, too. I’ll share your link. It is a blessing to see the pictures of your growing family.

  2. This is very good advice, Joy. In my Bible study, “The Personal Power of Choice,” I write about stopping the comparison game. There’s great freedom that comes from the decision and the discipline that results when we women resist the urge to make comparisons with one another. I shared this link on fb.

  3. This is one of my favorite verses: Gal 5:22-23 (KJV) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

    To me if you have the fruit of the Spirit, you won’t be judging others!!

    We have such a small church community that others are complaining about what others say or do or how they dress. I tell them, “I’m here to serve the Lord and not worry about others. I’ll pray for them.”

    Also this saying applies to your topic: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

    Thank you Joy for a wonderful blog! It’s a great reminder.

  4. I Love This!! I have been able to be on both sides of the fence. I have judged and have been judged for my choices as a mother. God is so sweet in His Grace! He has continued to open my eyes to others struggles and see their potential. God allows us to see these things not to give us a reason to judge but, to give us a way to show His Love. I would not be the woman or mother I am today if not for the Love Christ has shown me through others;)

  5. Joy, I love your blog. You truly are a gifted a writer. This one increases our awareness of a very detrimental and costly personality trait….judging others. Whether one believes and lives by the bible or not, no one enjoys being judged. It touches Christians and non-Christians alike.

    After 50 years of living, I have finally learned that the only one my opinion matters the most to is ….ME!! I try not to give it unless someone asks for it (I’m a work in progress and still catch myself doing it). I love what I do so much that my passion and joy for it can definitely sound like “everyone should do this.”

    My choices in life have been let’s say….unconventional and I often feel “judged” when the probing questions begin. But, I have to stop and ask myself, “Is she judging me or is it my own insecurities that make me think she is judging me?” And, if she is judging me, I have to make sure I am not judging her for judging me (does that make sense?) Sometimes I can’t be sure so I let it go. I consciously make a choice to think she doesn’t mean me harm. I think a lot of women judge and don’t even realize it. It becomes a life long habit that goes unnoticed. And, at that very moment I pray hard please help me Lord to grow in grace in this area. I never want anyone to feel judged by me that is certainly not my heart. I want people to leave my presence saying, “wow, I like being around her she makes me feel so good (warm smile).

    Thanks for the post!!!

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