Just Say KNOW!
“Don’t let anyone see me cry. Just act like everything is ok, even though the pit in the core of my stomach tells me something differently. Just keep, ‘the everything is wonderful face’ topped off with a smile and keep going.” These are just a few mantras that I have chanted over and over in my mind to keep myself together when my emotional radar was sirening that something was wrong. I’ve learned from Lysa Terkeurst that emotions are INDICATORS, not DICTATORS.
As women, God gave us the gift of being more emotional. We feel things emotionally and unfortunately, even amongst other believers, sometimes it just isn’t accepted. So do you know what we all do? We stuff and act like nothing is wrong instead of being honest about where we really are. What if we, as Godly women, can be truly honest about where we are and express and release our emotions in a safe place, without fear? BEING LESS EMOTIONAL DOESN’T MAKE YOU MORE GODLY! Did that just help someone? Sometimes, being honest about your emotions and venting them out to Him makes you MORE Godly! Just look at David in the Bible. He was considered a man after God’s own heart and look at all of the whining and crazy things that he said while processing his emotions to God. This is it though; we can’t sin in our emotional state! That is not ok! It’s ok to be emotional and be honest about it. It’s ok to cry! It’s ok to get it out, but it’s not ok to sin or hurt others via gossip, losing control, cursing others, or turning to substances, shopping, etc. to cope.
What if we could truly be honest? It seems as though women, overall, have a hard time doing that for many reasons:
1. Pride. We don’t want to appear weak or unspiritual. Let’s face it! We do not always have it together! Sometimes we are weak. It’s ok to be weak. My Bible says that when I am weak, then HE can be strong in me.
2. Fear of being misunderstood. I have been misunderstood many times. It’s ok too! God intimately understands me and I am living to please Him and I have his approval…and so do you!
3. There is no one available to talk to. There is a BIG benefit of being in a small group. You can always call anyone in the group to talk to. These are people who know you and are sharing their lives with you. Many women don’t want to impose on anyone else. Get over it please! Your vulnerability may actually help them.
4. Getting Hurt. Yes, I promise you will get hurt at some point in your life when you open up your heart to others, but by never opening up your heart is a trillion times worse. When someone hurts you, just forgive that person, let it go, and move on. Find others who are not going to hurt you! Be proactive. Don’t stuff.
GIRLFRIENDS! You don’t have to carry everything yourself!
DISCLAIMER: This article is not an encouragement to let your emotions run wild and and free to whomever and by saying whatever. It is an encouragement to pay attention to those tears that are welling up in your eyes and that knot in your stomach because you are valuable and important. Trust me. Stuffing emotions is going to hurt you and your most valuable relationships in the long run. I learned that holding it all together may seem like I am doing everyone a favor, but in the long run, I am not. It’s not going to be fruitful if you don’t acknowledge, process, and release the emotions.
God gave us each other. We were never meant to walk alone. When I am weak, I run and hide behind my heavenly Father. I turn off my brain and let him protect me. I can’t figure everything out. I also transparently share my tears, fears, and weakness with others. I am not trying to be a Christian rock star. I am a fragile, human being with real, raw, emotions who needs others in this harsh world until I get to heaven.
“If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.” 2 Corinthians 11:30
Do you stuff your true emotions? Who can you share your true emotions with?
Keeping it real,
It is official.
Joseph’s tombstone has been permanently sealed upon the ground where his little, earthly body is decaying. Sadly, it is the cold, hard fact; his body is withering away under the earth, while his spirit in heaven lives on adorned by his new glorified body. His mere frame of flesh is obsolete and he is soaring with the angels in his forever prime. The abundant life that Jesus promised is Joseph’s now.
The single word on Joseph’s tombstone is: UNSTOPPABLE. One word that had to describe his entire life; a potent word. A word that speaks of moving forward and is ongoing. UNSTOPPABLE…a word that I want to encapsulate my life as well.
It’s still so surreal to gaze upon this tombstone and swallow that my first-born son is really in the grave. I have to ask myself, “Is this really my life? Did this really happen to me?” As tears roll down my cheeks, a few words resonate in my spirit: GRACE, PEACE, and JOY. Yes, joy, in some strange way. After momentary sadness floods, joy prevails. There is a deep joy knowing that my son is with his true Father. It’s an uncanny joy that he will never have to suffer in this life and that he is home.
There really is a PEACE that I can’t explain. I’m really not that strong. I actually am an emotional person by nature so why is it that I feel OK with this? Why shouldn’t I be a wreck everyday?
All that I can say is that this GRACE is REAL! I can’t logically explain it. In the natural I shouldn’t be OK with this. I can’t FAKE this or PRETEND to be strong. GRACE soothes my soul and rocks me like a baby when memory upon memory fall like an avalanche through my mind. It soothes me when I try to figure out why MY SON got cancer. The questions come: “Was it something I ate, did, smelled, etc? Was is something spiritually that I didn’t cast down? What if I would have caught it earlier?” Then, I feel his strong, loving hand push my head to his chest and say, “STOP! I’ve got him and I’ve got you. I love you like no other.”
He assures me that He will keep me, cover me, and lead me. His nearness alone can still me! One word from Him. One touch in his presence where I can draw close to him and suffocate the noises of this life. HE IS ENOUGH! His grace soothes the pain.
This closeness to a gentle, but yet powerful God makes me UNSTOPPABLE, not MY strength, will-power, or discipline to pick myself up by my boot straps and press, press, press to drown it all out; to hide under a facade of busyness.
No, I am an overcomer and am UNSTOPPABLE for one reason:
My nearness to Him and His nearness to me! I have relationship with the Father because of Jesus!
I am not this strong. I am held by His love in a relationship with the only one who can water my soul. He is the only thing that satisfies.
Is your soul satisfied by Him?
Are you UNSTOPPABLE? You can be with Jesus!
When walking through a valley in your life there are many things that are important to overcoming and not getting stuck in the pain.
One vital key to overcoming is to have a core of people around you that love you…just because. You can face anything with encouraging truth, support, and love.
When you don’t have the strength to believe or see the future, it is others that are committed to you that carry you during these times.
In my own life, just knowing that Jon is committed to me and that Josiah adores me is anchoring for my soul. But on another level, I have an extended spiritual family that fills in the gaps that my family alone can not fill. We were created for relationships. When the web of spiritual family comes together to carry you during a dark time, you can overcome anything! The strength and power that this brings to your life during weak times is not comparable to anything else in the world.
Relationships are what life is all about. We need a core of people who will be there when times are good and when times are tough. It is spiritual family that remains constant, even through all of their imperfections and mistakes. No one is perfect. You may not even talk to some people that much, but you know that they are around and love you without expectation.
In Ecclesiastes 4:10 it says, “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”
You never know when a hard time will strike your life. If you are not rooted and grounded in the house of the Lord and committed to others, then it is more difficult to carry the load alone. Our hearts get faint sometimes and that can set us up to be deceived if we don’t have others reminding us of the truth and encouraging us in who we really are.
“Those who are firmly planted in the house of the Lord will flourish.”
So today, are you connected to others? Maybe it’s a small group at church or a group of people that you serve with. Who are those that you are committed to walking with even when you don’t feel like it? Life gets busy and it’s easy to say, “Us four, no more.” Sometimes, it’s inconvenient to be committed to going to your small group or showing up for that outreach. When a trying time comes, those people will be already established in your life to be able to love and support you.
“May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you.” I Thessalonians 3:12
I thank God that we were committed to others when Joseph passed away. It truly was spiritual family that carried us through the darkest days of our lives. I don’t know where we would be without them. We definitely wouldn’t be where we are now!
The word heart is mentioned in 930 verses of the Bible. We hear and use the word heart on a regular basis. “I love you with all of my heart.” “That makes my heart happy.” “He broke my heart.” You get the picture.
What does the word heart really mean though? Of course, we have our literal heart in our body that serves as one of our major organs that pumps blood throughout, which totes oxygen to every other part of our body; without this oxygen, we would die. But then there is the soul/spirit reference of the word heart that we use when we are hurt.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says, “Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” The New Living Translations says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
Just as our literal heart is the source that disperses “good or bad” blood throughout our entire being , our spiritual heart is the source that feeds every other place in our life, “good or bad”. The Bible says to, ABOVE ALL ELSE, guard your heart. Our hearts will determine the course of our entire life.
What does that look like?
A broken heart = apathy, lack of motivation, and a “shut-down” attitude
A weary heart = lack of trust, tired of believing, a “give-up” attitude
A deflated heart = lack of courage, lack of confidence, an “I can’t” attitude
A bitter heart = negative, unforgiving, an “I won’t/can’t let-it go” attitude
A shattered heart = pain that shocks and stuns, emotionally frozen, an “I can’t go on” attitude
A strong heart = confident, healthy, an “I am fulfilled” attitude
God has mended my heart over and over again. He always gives me His heart when I exchange my broken, bitter, or shattered heart for His. Sometimes it takes me a while to give it to Him because I like to nurse my wounds and get others to also. I know from experience that I can trust Him with my heart no matter what state it is in 100 percent of the time. When no one else “gets-it”, He does!
Where is your heart today?
Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.”
Our loving Father can strengthen our broken, weary, deflated, bitter, or shattered heart! Our heart will determine the course of our life. “Above all else, guard your heart!” How do you and I guard our hearts? To guard our heart is to guard our thoughts. We can shift our thoughts to something positive. We can refuse to keep dwelling on something. We can replace our “nasty” thoughts with the Bible. We can believe the best in people when we want to believe the worst. We can just take one step, when we want to shut-down. Sometimes we need to just stop thinking because we are tired and go to bed. (Nothing fruitful comes out of an exhausted mind and body.)
Father, I ask that you be the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. Strengthen my friends today and fill them with a fulfilled heart that can only come from you.
I shared a few weeks ago about how I have overcome loss in my life on my blog entitled: What will define you? Your pain or your purpose? https://theunstoppablelife.me/2012/08/20/what-will-defi…r-your-purpose/
In that post, I talked about how I overcame many losses in my life from: an abusive marriage to losing my “so-called” identity while having my active boys 14 months apart, to losing my first-born son from a brain tumor last December. I shared how at some point, either your pain or your healing will define you. I want to elaborate on practically how that happened for me.
There comes a point when you come to a transition in your painful situation. There is a transition time and point. This is the time after you have gone through the natural stages of grief and have mourned the reality of the deep loss that you have experienced. It is critical to grieve appropriately in your own time, but there does come a transition point where it’s time to heal properly. This crossroad in your grief can define how you respond for the rest of your life – Cynical or Hopeful.
I came to a point when I realized that I could never bring Joseph back to earth and I had to decide how I was going to respond to that realization. Was I going to be stuck? Was I going to be negative, doubtful, and cynical the rest of my life? I knew that I couldn’t change that I was going to live the rest of my life here on earth without him with me. I decided to place my hope and heart in heaven and try to help and encourage as many other people as I was able to! This was a game-changer for me!
As I began to step out and help other families who were battling for their child’s life or who have lost a child, I began to heal and get stronger in my heart! As I lifted my eyes to heaven and decided that I was going to kick the enemy’s butt for the rest of my life, joy and purpose came to me! I can now see a bigger picture!
Since starting Hope4Joseph Foundation last December, we have had the privilege of helping over 2o families and have also given away tons of resources to families fighting for their children. This was definitely something that I never thought that I would be apart of. I never thought that this would fall into my lap, but it did!
God is healing my heart and am now more full of faith than before Joseph went to heaven. I am serious! I am not just trying to write a good blog! I eagerly look to the future and am excited to see what God is going to do next. Helping others is truly a huge part in how you heal!”
“If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” Luke 9:24 (New Living Translation)
Is it time for you to start helping others in spite of your painful situation? Only you know when that time is. The first step is the hardest, but once you start, healing and joy will fill your heart!
I love you,
Check out more at http://www.hope4joseph.org/